This Is About Pleasure
tatiana de la tierra
THE SET:
All scenes that involve FEMME occur in her living room, which is a simple space with a couch and a table. Several scenes require props that are specified at the beginning of each scene. There is another setting for scenes where MARGARITA, BABY BUTCH and MIRANDA address the audience. This space should be positioned in close proximity to FEMME’s space.
CAST:
FEMME: Slutty, seductive, feminine, expressive, dramatic, passionate; in her thirties.
BABY BUTCH: Reserved, appears emotionally distant, somewhat insecure; in her late twenties.
MARGARITA: Controlled, an old-time hard-edged butch, sure of herself, sharp; in her late forties.
MIRANDA: Artistic, eccentric, feminine, seemingly insane; in her thirties.
This scene is created to introduce FEMME as a desirous woman in charge of her sexuality. She is seductive and playful. Throughout the monologue she may be applying makeup and fussing with her clothes and body. She is conscious of the theatricality of being “feminine”.
FEMME
Lip liner changed everything. Before lip liner, I thought that Princess Marcella Borghese’s #22 Firebird Lumina Lipstick was the bomb. Kiss this, baby! I thought the finest creams and mattes and glosses were it. I thought, it’s not my lips you’re looking at, it’s my soul. I thought kiss me, kiss this princess, taste these expensive waxy colored chemicals, lick off the layers of paint that lead to me.
And then came lip liner. This stuff, it’s what they use to paint airplanes with. It takes more than a few kisses to dissolve. Fly me to Belgium and back, circle the night skies while awaiting a landing, cruise over to Cancun and then watch me laughing upon the waves and, after all that, you’ll see minute traces of Chanel’s Coco Plum lip liner. With lip liner I can get down and deep just like a femme should, but I hold on to a little part of myself. Take it all baby, just leave me my lip liner. Cuz if you take that, there’s nothing left that’s all mine.
I used to be totally natural. You know, vegetarian, hairy legs, socialist, solar energist, feminist. No make up. Just me and my goddess-given flesh.
And then I met Miranda.
(MIRANDA appears in the background, barefoot, wearing a gauzy blouse with a long skirt; she is adorned with sparkling jewelry and wears a wreath of flowers on her hair and an ankle bracelet that tinkles. There is a timeless and ethereal feeling to her; she is humming and singing.)
There she was, dragging on a menthol Benson & Hedges, zooming in on me with her powder-blue shadowed eyes. She was billowy and brown and glittery. Looked like she belonged in one of those old French paintings where plump models laze around wearing wispy clothes. And I wanted to laze around with her. She was insane, too, but hey, that was part of the charm. A bottle of Kahlua and Miranda at my side, now that was a magical combination. I learned to be a girl with her. I learned about kissing and getting all pretty. Scented oils, Kohl, cinnamon face powder, nail polish, body glitter. And skirts.
(MIRANDA and FEMME make eye contact and swish around the stage with their skirts, like girls in a playground.)
to be a real girl
I put on my skirt
I fluff up my curls
and move in a whirl
wear it wide
womanly
with whoosh,
wear it worldly
wantonly
with skirt
with a skirt you wear:
hose
(not those!)
slip
(synthetic!)
heels
(surreal!)
shaven legs
(no way!)
beneath your skirt:
hidden
any mysteries?
hidden
stretch marks?
hidden
varicose veins?
hidden
a sweet opening?
hidden
whose is it?
hidden
can I see?
you know what they say
girlfriend,
whatever flips your skirt
my skirt is ocean
yemaya
fringes ripple, undulate
for cumbia, orishas, they
crash and come back waves
yemaya
your ocean in my skirt
(MIRANDA floats off stage.)
A femme has the flow, with or without a skirt, with or without lip liner. This much I’ve learned. The paints are just a game. I used to think it had to do with shape, proportions, markings. But more than anything it’s about desire. (She holds her breasts up with both hands, playfully and seductively.) This breast of mine is a little smaller than the other, she likes to look away. This one’s plump and looks you in the eye. Together they bring me unlimited divine pleasure. Though you do know where all this is heading, don’t you? (She caresses the entirety of her body.)
It makes no difference that I’m a career woman and a democrat and I dine sushi and down martinis, because more than anything, I seek to be totally fucked. (She slides her hands between her legs.) My cunt is my third eye. My compass. My agent. My judge. My law. My Declaration of Independence. “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all women are putas, that they are endowed by their Creatrix with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Lust, Liberty, and the pursuit of Puta Power.”
I guess you could say I’m pussy driven. There I am at a board meeting, at the supermarket, at the movies, doing all those life things, and there is my cunt, twitching. Talking to me. Churning and chugging and insisting. Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me! (Directed at her cunt.) I’m working on it, my little panocha, I’m trying to get us fucked, okay?
I do try. (Directed at someone in the audience) Hey, would you like to gaze at the sky with me after the show? (To another one) Mmmm. What nice hands you have. I bet you can do wonders with them. (To another) You like to pump it at the gym, don’t you? I can just feel the hardness of your biceps. Girlfriend, you can pump it with me all night.
Well I try, and I do succeed. I’ve opened my legs, lips and soul for many women. Though nowadays I prefer the ones with the hardest edges.
(MARGARITA appears. She is completely masculine in her look and stance. She cruises FEMME with her eyes and becomes captivated. FEMME is conscious of her new audience and eventually responds to her directly.)
They get me all girly, which is where I wanna go. The greatest thing about being a girl for other women is that they can be your mack daddy, your owner, your dick, and yet they’re women too. I like the manliest women best of all. They know how to fuck, how to possess, how to rip you up. They let me be totally dramatic and desperate. And they appreciate a good slut. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for pleasure, for mine or for theirs.
The dick I sucked
was black leather hard,
shiny like balloons in city parks.
It was four-finger wide
and king-size Snickers bar long,
but not sweet, melty.
(To MARGARITA)
The dick I sucked
ground the flesh of my open thighs
with a probing mouth that made me whimper.
It said, “Suck it sumptuously, mami.
Put your pink tongue to good use.
Lick your daddy nice, that’s right.”
(To audience)
The dick I sucked
was a hardened woman in my face.
It didn’t wear no rubbers,
didn’t have no hairy balls,
didn’t have no shrunken condition,
no snot begging to erupt.
(To MARGARITA)
The dick I sucked
was roasted garlic mashed potatoes
in the menu of my fantasies.
It was a lavender silicone delight,
a cunt-scented intruder that I wanted.
It was my daddy’s all-purpose tool–
it ripped and seared and poked me,
Any time.
(MARGARITA approaches FEMME, touches her body with clear sexual overtones, kisses her. FEMME gets aroused, whispers MARGARITA’s name. MARGARITA strolls off stage.)
(To audience) Getting fucked is like meeting your saviour after walking on your knees for hundreds of miles over rocky terrain. It’s the sound of an ambulance when you’re pouring blood on the highway, barely conscious, in the aftermath of a wreck. It’s Gatorade after a ten kilometer run. Getting fucked is delicious, like tiramisu at the end of a meal. Luxurious, like Sunday mornings. Exciting, like your first flight on an airplane.
Getting fucked, that is my bottom line. It makes living bearable. And it always makes me want to get fucked again.
inhale
pussy hair flying
wind snorting
violent sands of time:
Say that you’ll be mine.
inhale
crack of cold ass
heartbeat throbbing
wailing planet of the mind:
When will I be mine?
once more
inhale
budding bursting tits
screams growing
opening cunt for the dine
let me wrap my thighs around your neck
suck and lick and fuck me
then leave.
this tongue-fucked bitch
belongs to no one
(Lights out on FEMME)
(Lights up on MARGARITA. She addresses the audience.)
MARGARITA
To sleep with a woman in the crook of my arm
To have her body vibrate into mine
To awaken to kisses from a real woman’s lips
To bites and bubble gum breath.
To collide with warm skin and a wet cunt
To make a restless pelvis insane
To extract mother’s milk from her tits
To give her my ear for her screams.
To have perfectly manicured nails torment my back
To have her fluttering her eyelashes beneath me
To have her stiff as a trunk
To have her paralyzed with pleasure
To have her.
To feel the heat in a 60-degree-air-conditioned room.
To have thoughts that my woman doesn’t discover.
To tell her she is the tastiest, and to mean it.
To make her mine.
To make her mine.
I don’t know how to satisfy women. One moment they’re fascinated and the next minute they’re unhappy, traumatized, screaming. Who can understand that? I just let them go through their range of expressions. As long as my women do what they’re supposed to do, as long as they’re where they’re supposed to be, as long as they open their legs and give me a private show… What do I care if they’re laughing or crying? All a woman needs to do to be with me is to let herself be pleased. The rest is up to me.
MIRANDA and FEMME have been drinking liquor and smoking weed; they are giddy. FEMME is laying on the floor, MIRANDA is on the couch, with her foot caressing FEMME’s body.
FEMME
(Moans)
MIRANDA
And what does girlie girl want?
FEMME
Marijuana. Some more marijuana.
MIRANDA
(Teasing FEMME with foot)
You could ask for a kiss
you could ask for a dance
you could ask for our bliss
and all you want is some weed?
FEMME
(Moans) What’s wrong with a simple desire?
MIRANDA
(Plants her foot at FEMME’s crotch)
You could ask for a song
you could ask for eternal love
you could ask for submission
you could ask for….
FEMME
…Okay. Alright.
I want you to feed me green grapes, peeled.
I want you to wrap me in silk.
I want you to fuck me with Greek cucumbers.
And I want you to roll me a fucking joint. Okay?
MIRANDA
Oh, my girl is getting feisty. Yes she is.
(MIRANDA gets off the couch, straddles FEMME, kisses her long and luxuriously.)
MIRANDA
Is this how you kiss all the girls? Or was that a special kiss just for me?
FEMME
Just for you, my sweet. Now roll me a J, will ya?
MIRANDA
(Gets a book, a zip lock bag full of weed and rolling papers. She sits on the floor with her back to the couch, puts her legs over FEMME’s body while she rolls a joint.)
I’ll let you think you’re ordering me around. You… you… sloth.
FEMME
I’m sloth, you’re swine
together we’re just divine.
(They laugh, play with each other’s bodies while MIRANDA rolls.)
FEMME
Are we always going to love each other?
MIRANDA
Always.
FEMME
Just checking.
(MIRANDA has rolled the joint. She puts the book on the floor, lights the joint, takes a hit, and then gives FEMME a shotgun. They’re smoking, when MIRANDA notices something in the book.)
MIRANDA
Hey, listen to this…
FEMME
Huh?
MIRANDA
Look what it says here…
FEMME
Where?
MIRANDA
In here, silly girl, in Our Bodies, Our Souls. Listen: “Women who do not wear bras have a significantly lower incidence of breast cancer.”
FEMME
Really?
MIRANDA
That’s what it says… Think about it, our tits are always being lifted and squashed. They’re suffocating!
(MIRANDA and FEMME both look down at their breasts, touch them)
FEMME
Suffocating! (Alarmed) Oh-my-god, we have to do something about this!
MIRANDA
Like what?
FEMME
We gotta let our titties free.
MIRANDA
“Synthetic underwear blocks the circulation of fresh air into the vagina, leading to high incidence of yeast infections.”
FEMME
We gotta let our pussies breathe.
MIRANDA
This sounds serious, don’t you think?
FEMME
Very serious. (FEMME gets up, pulls MIRANDA) Come on, we gotta do something.
MIRANDA
Do what?
FEMME
We gotta let our titties free, we gotta let our pussies free.
(FEMME is standing, holds her breasts in her hands, jiggles them, speaks to them.)
FEMME
Oh breasts of mine
I give you back your mind
I let you go
I let you go
(MIRANDA does the same)
MIRANDA
This little tittie went to the market
This little tittie went to the movies
Oh titties of mine
I give you back your mind
I set you free
I set you free
FEMME
Let’s let our titties swing.
(They begin to shimmy their shoulders, to bounce their breasts)
MIRANDA & FEMME
Swing, swing, swing, swing, swing.
MIRANDA
Let’s let them jiggle wiggle.
(They wiggle their breasts up and down)
MIRANDA & FEMME
Jiggle wiggle, jiggle wiggle.
MIRANDA
Our titties must be free
to love between you and me
FEMME
Yes, they must be.
(They face each other, then each reaches with her breasts so that their breasts meet, as if kissing.)
And don’t forget our cunts.
MIRANDA
Oh we won’t forget them.
FEMME
Oh cunt of mine
I give you back your mind
I let you go
I let you go
(They begin to make wide circles with their pelvis)
MIRANDA
(Touching her crotch)
This little pussy went to town,
This little pussy always wants to get down!
Oh pussy of mine
I give you back your mind
I set you free
I set you free
FEMME & MIRANDA
Air it out
Air it out
Air it out
(They open and close legs as if “venting” their cunts. Then, they begin to thrust.)
Pump it around
Pump it around
Cunts gotta play
Cunts gotta play
Girls gotta be girls
Girls gotta be girls
Girls gotta be girls
(Their pelvic thrusting is initially aimed at the audience. Eventually they face each other and continue to thrust until they are pelvis to pelvis. Scene ends in an embrace.)
(Lights up on BABY BUTCH. She stands in the space just outside FEMME’s living room as she addresses the audience.)
BABY BUTCH
What are you looking at? What do you see in me? When people see me, they try to figure out, is that a dude? Male or female? What are you? What are you? When I walk into a women’s restroom, that’s what I get, those what-are-you looks. What am I? I mean, this is how I was born. Or is this how I made myself? (She looks down at her body) I was born female, that’s all I know. But female things, they are not for me. Other women, they seem to know exactly what to do, what to wear, how to have their own style. Other butches, they got everything happening, like they know exactly what to do, too. I don’t know, for myself. People look at me like they expect something. Femmes check me out, touch up their lipstick, come up to me. What do they want? I like to look. No touching. I don’t touch them, I don’t touch myself. If I look for a long time, I think I’ll be able to understand. I think so.
(Lights up on FEMME in her living room. She sees BABY BUTCH, quickly applies lipstick, walks over to her.)
FEMME
You turn me on, did you know?
BABY BUTCH
I do, huh?
FEMME
I get all warm between the legs, just having you near.
BABY BUTCH
Hmm. That’s flattering.
FEMME
I don’t want to flatter you.
BABY BUTCH
What?
FEMME
I want to fuck.
BABY BUTCH
Fuck.
FEMME
Fuck. Do you like to fuck?
BABY BUTCH
Yeah, I like to fuck.
FEMME
I mean FUCK.
BABY BUTCH
You say that with such…
FEMME
FUCK.
BABY BUTCH
With such… conviction.
FEMME
Fuck. Would you like to fuck?
BABY BUTCH
I like to fuck.
FEMME
But would you like to fuck me?
BABY BUTCH
I like you…
FEMME
You like me how? You like me but what?
BABY BUTCH
I want to get to know you.
FEMME
You know me already.
BABY BUTCH
I can’t get close so fast.
FEMME
I want to be close.
BABY BUTCH
I know you do.
FEMME
You don’t?
BABY BUTCH
I do.
FEMME
And?
BABY BUTCH
What, you want me to just jump on top of you?
FEMME
That would be nice.
BABY BUTCH
I can’t.
FEMME
I’m on fire. For you.
BABY BUTCH
It takes time.
FEMME
Desire doesn’t travel on the hands of a clock.
BABY BUTCH
Desire doesn’t have to travel, it just has to exist.
FEMME
I desire you.
BABY BUTCH
I desire.
FEMME
Give me your desire.
BABY BUTCH
I can’t.
FEMME
Well then, take my desire.
BABY BUTCH
I won’t.
FEMME
You can’t, you won’t, you-can’t-you-won’t-you-can’t-you-won’t.
BABY BUTCH
I can’t. I won’t.
FEMME
Fine. You cant, you won’t. But why?
BABY BUTCH
Don’t take this personally.
FEMME
I know. I mean, I think I know.
BABY BUTCH
I don’t understand why anybody would want to be with me.
FEMME
This is about pleasure.
BABY BUTCH
I’ve never known pleasure.
FEMME
This is about pleasure.
BABY BUTCH
Why would anybody want to be with me?
FEMME
This is about pleasure.
BABY BUTCH
Women come on to me, but…
FEMME
This is about pleasure.
BABY BUTCH
But I wait, I like to be in control.
FEMME
You call witholding sex control? That’s fucked up.
BABY BUTCH
Are you saying I’m fucked up?
FEMME
I’m saying that’s fucked up.
BABY BUTCH
I’ve never known pleasure.
FEMME
This is about pleasure.
BABY BUTCH
I could use a few more years of therapy, huh?
FEMME
This is about pleasure.
BABY BUTCH
I like to touch women, right there, I like to…
FEMME
Touch me?
BABY BUTCH
No. I can’t.
FEMME
Touch me?
BABY BUTCH
I’m not there.
FEMME
Touch me? Touch me? Touch me?
BABY BUTCH
Touch. You…
FEMME
I am so desperate for your touch.
BABY BUTCH
I’m sorry. This isn’t about you.
FEMME
I thought you wanted me. I’ve been reading you like braille, looking for signs.
BABY BUTCH
What did you read?
FEMME
That yes, that maybe.
BABY BUTCH
Yeah, that’s right, you read right.
FEMME
Well?
BABY BUTCH
You have to wait. I have to go slow.
FEMME
Wait. I have to wait.
BABY BUTCH
Yes. Wait for me.
FEMME
But I’m always hot around you. I always want you.
BABY BUTCH
Yes.
FEMME
And I have to wait?
BABY BUTCH
Yeah.
FEMME
I don’t even like to wait in line at the bank.
BABY BUTCH
I know.
FEMME
You want me to wait?
BABY BUTCH
Yes.
FEMME
I want to know, if I wait, is there any way in to you?
BABY BUTCH
In to me? You mean literally?
FEMME
I mean in to you.
BABY BUTCH
No.
FEMME
No?
BABY BUTCH
No.
FEMME
I’m such a fucking fool.
BABY BUTCH
Don’t say that.
FEMME
I’m such a fucking fool.
BABY BUTCH
This isn’t about you.
FEMME
I’m such a fucking fool.
BABY BUTCH
I can’t get close as fast as you.
FEMME
I’m such a fucking fool.
BABY BUTCH
I’m hard on the outside. But there is no inside.
FEMME
There’s always an inside.
BABY BUTCH
I grew up without touch.
FEMME
I grew up without love.
BABY BUTCH
I’ve never known pleasure.
FEMME
What do you mean?
BABY BUTCH
I don’t let myself feel.
FEMME
That’s impossible.
BABY BUTCH
I don’t understand why anybody would want to be with me.
FEMME
I’ve been dreaming of you.
BABY BUTCH
What do you dream?
FEMME
That you melt me, take me, that you get on top, and…
BABY BUTCH
And?
FEMME
And let me be all woman beneath you, that you let me kiss and suck you, and…
BABY BUTCH
And then?
FEMME
And that you fuck me all night, into the dawn, we fuck and fuck, and….
BABY BUTCH
And then, after we fuck…
FEMME
We fuck all over again….
BABY BUTCH
So many dreams.
FEMME
So many desires.
BABY BUTCH
So many fears.
FEMME
Would you like to spend the night with me?
BABY BUTCH
Would I?
(FEMME is alone, sitting on the couch, intently filing her nails. There are bottles of nail polish and grooming tools laid out on the table. She is startled to hear the rattling of keys at her door. MARGARITA enters. She is dressed elegantly in a masculine suit.)
FEMME
What are you doing here?
MARGARITA
I have your keys.
FEMME
I thought you were coming for me later.
MARGARITA
I have your keys.
FEMME
You have my keys. So?
MARGARITA
So I can come and go as I please.
FEMME
I don’t like surprises. And I’m not ready.
MARGARITA
It makes no difference what you like.
FEMME
What, you think you can just barge in on me… and…
MARGARITA
Come here.
FEMME
and order me around?
MARGARITA
Come here.
FEMME
No. I’m busy.
MARGARITA
Come here.
FEMME
(She is filing her nails; doesn’t respond.)
MARGARITA
I said come here and I’m not going to say it one more time.
FEMME
(Looks her in the eye, puts down the nail file, drops to the floor and crawls to where MARGARITA is standing.)
MARGARITA
Who owns you?
FEMME
(On hands and knees, looking up.) You do.
MARGARITA
That’s right.
FEMME
You own me.
MARGARITA
Yes. Who has your keys?
FEMME
You do.
MARGARITA
And what does that mean?
FEMME
That you can come any time.
MARGARITA
Any time?
FEMME
Yes. Because you own me.
MARGARITA
Come here.
(FEMME rises, looks down at the floor like a child being scolded.)
MARGARITA
Come here.
(FEMME slowly looks up. MARGARITA kisses her long and hard. FEMME whimpers as if this is what she’d been waiting for. They stay close.)
FEMME
I adore you.
MARGARITA
That’s fine.
FEMME
How come you’re like that?
MARGARITA
How?
FEMME
You get me all turned on and then you get cold.
MARGARITA
I can do whatever I want.
FEMME
What about me?
MARGARITA
You do as I say.
FEMME
But I’m a feminist!
MARGARITA
(Laughs) Sure, that’s fine.
FEMME
Isn’t this sexist or something?
MARGARITA
Is it?
FEMME
If my friends only knew.
MARGARITA
If they only knew how delicious you are.
(FEMME whimpers. MARGARITA fingers her breasts and continues to feel her body up and down. FEMME responds in pleasure.)
MARGARITA
Are all my possessions in order?
FEMME
They are.
MARGARITA
You haven’t done anything to them, have you?
FEMME
They’re just as you left them.
MARGARITA
That’s how it has to be.
FEMME
Oh, you own me, you do.
MARGARITA
Yes.
(MARGARITA stops touching her, pulls away.)
Come on, we have to go soon.
FEMME
What?
MARGARITA
Get ready. We’re leaving.
FEMME
No!
MARGARITA
(Laughs) No?
FEMME
I don’t wanna go anymore.
MARGARITA
We are going.
FEMME
But I’m all turned on.
MARGARITA
That’s how my woman has to be.
FEMME
I wanna stay here with you.
MARGARITA
You’re going to do as I say.
FEMME
(Whimpers and whines) Wouldn’t you rather fuck? Huh?
MARGARITA
Get ready. I decide when we’re going to fuck.
FEMME
(Whimpers) I desire you.
MARGARITA
That’s good. Now get dressed.
FEMME
No!
MARGARITA
Then you’re going as you are.
FEMME
No!
MARGARITA
It would be a shame to have to drag you out by the hair.
FEMME
I don’t wanna go.
MARGARITA
Without your nails done.
FEMME
Please, please.
MARGARITA
Without your lipstick.
FEMME
Please-please-please.
MARGARITA
Without your perfume.
FEMME
Please-please-please fuck me.
MARGARITA
Without your black slip.
FEMME
Please-please-please fuck me.
MARGARITA
I like my women hot.
FEMME
I am your WOMAN, that’s singular.
MARGARITA
(Laughs) I like my women savage.
FEMME
And am I savage enough?
MARGARITA
You’re divine. Now get ready.
(FEMME whimpers and huffs and puffs and stomps around, quickly getting ready, dabbing make up on, slipping into high heels. MARGARITA watches, amused, as if this were a show just for her.)
FEMME
Take me. I’m yours.
(FEMME sits on the couch waiting for BABY BUTCH with the lights dimmed. There is a vase, a bottle of wine, glasses and a tray of cheese and crackers on the table. BABY BUTCH walks on stage and faces the audience. She has a doll physically attached to her body and a bouquet of flowers in her hands. The stage lights are on her.)
BABY BUTCH
(To audience) I was at this happening poetry reading last year when I first saw her, doing her thing. (Points to FEMME) She just looked at me and smiled. It took her a year to get to me because I was still with this one. Star. (Pats the doll and continues to touch her as she speaks) We were having a hell of a time then, it was pure pleasure. And then Star just disappeared. (Stops touching doll) It’s not fair. She was my first love. This one (Points to FEMME), she’s pretty cool. She was checking me out for the longest, went on one of those femme campaigns to get me. Lured me into her pad. Yeah. It worked.
(Turns away from audience, walks into FEMME’s living room. Lights up on both. BABY BUTCH greets FEMME with the bouquet.)
FEMME
Hey, that’s so sweet of you.
BABY BUTCH
Yeah, well…
(FEMME arranges flowers on a vase and places them on the coffee table.)
FEMME
I’ve been waiting for you.
BABY BUTCH
What are you waiting for, huh?
FEMME
For you. To come to me.
BABY BUTCH
Yeah, well I’m here. For you.
FEMME
That’s what I wanted to hear.
BABY BUTCH
Just hearing, is that enough..
FEMME
Naw, more than hearing it, how about feeling it, up close…
BABY BUTCH
Are you up to it?
FEMME
You know me, I’m up to everything with you. Can’t get enough, remember?
BABY BUTCH
Yeah.
(They embrace and kiss. The doll gets in the way.)
FEMME
Wait a minute. What is that?
BABY BUTCH
Nothing babe.
FEMME
Hmmm. I though I felt something.
BABY BUTCH
You wanna stay in tonight? I enjoy spending the nights with you.
FEMME
Me too. That’s what I had in mind. Wine, cheese, me, you…
(FEMME pulls away, pours wine while they speak.)
BABY BUTCH
I like that.
FEMME
What?
BABY BUTCH
You seem to know what I want.
FEMME
Really? What else do you like?
BABY BUTCH
Oh, you surprise me sometimes, your little sounds, ways of looking at me.
FEMME
Hmmm. You never say things like that.
BABY BUTCH
Yeah.
FEMME
That’s more like what you usually say.
BABY BUTCH
What?
FEMME
Yeah. You say “yeah”.
BABY BUTCH
Yeah, I guess I do, huh?
FEMME
Yeah.
(They click glasses.)
BABY BUTCH
To us.
(They drink. BABY BUTCH dips a finger in the wine and brings it to the doll’s mouth.)
FEMME
What was that?
BABY BUTCH
What?
FEMME
Nothing. I mean, I just thought I saw you flicking wine…
BABY BUTCH
A libation for the spirits, right?
FEMME
Oh. You mean like they do in rituals?
BABY BUTCH
Yeah, like that.
FEMME
Hmmm. I guess you’re the one who’s surprising me now.
BABY BUTCH
That’s not a bad thing, huh?
FEMME
No. Just funny. That’s all.
(FEMME slices cheese while they talk, prepares a plate of cheese on crackers and they nibble.)
BABY BUTCH
I was gonna go to your reading today but I couldn’t get there
FEMME
That’s okay. It was no big deal.
BABY BUTCH
Sorry I couldn’t go.
FEMME
I just wanted you for tonight.
BABY BUTCH
Did you?
FEMME
Aha.
(BABY BUTCH bites a cracker, breaks off a tiny piece and feeds it to the doll.)
FEMME
What are you doing?
BABY BUTCH
I’m not doing anything.
FEMME
Wait a minute. What’s going on here?
BABY BUTCH
Nothing babe, we’re together in your pad, that’s all.
(BABY BUTCH embraces FEMME. The doll gets in the way.)
FEMME
Oh my god, what is that?
BABY BUTCH
What?
FEMME
I felt something between us.
BABY BUTCH
Something like what?
(FEMME pulls away, sees the doll for the first time.)
FEMME
Oh my god!
BABY BUTCH
It’s nothing, I swear.
FEMME
Yeah, right. I am looking at nothing?
BABY BUTCH
Where are you looking at?
FEMME
It’s not where, it’s what! That!
(Points to the doll.)
BABY BUTCH
Oh, you mean her?
FEMME
Her? Are you crazy?
BABY BUTCH
Look, she’s my ex lover…
FEMME
Ex? I told you I wanted a monogamous relationship!
BABY BUTCH
I’m being faithful!
FEMME
Then what are you doing carrying her around?
BABY BUTCH
It’s just a little memento, right? From my past.
FEMME
Whatever it is, it’s not little!
BABY BUTCH
I didn’t want you to know.
FEMME
How could you keep something like that from me?
BABY BUTCH
You have no sense of humor.
FEMME
You are one sick fuck! What is wrong with you?
BABY BUTCH
I’m yours for the taking, alright?
FEMME
You have such nerve.
BABY BUTCH
I understand how you feel. But I want to be with you…
FEMME
Oh do you? Well being with me means being with me.
BABY BUTCH
I didn’t want to hurt you.
FEMME
Well then get rid of her.
BABY BUTCH
I don’t know how to.
FEMME
Now you tell me!
BABY BUTCH
I can still be with you, can’t I?
FEMME
Not as long as she’s still in the picture!
(They struggle. FEMME tries to rip the doll off BABY BUTCH.)
BABY BUTCH
Look, she doesn’t come off!
FEMME
Get her off you!
BABY BUTCH
Leave her alone!
FEMME
Kill her!
BABY BUTCH
What?
FEMME
Kill her!
BABY BUTCH
No way!
FEMME
What is wrong with you?
BABY BUTCH
There is nothing wrong with me! She’s just a part of me.
FEMME
Like hell she is. Kill her!
BABY BUTCH
I can’t!.
FEMME
Oh yeah? Well I can!
(FEMME menaces the doll with the knife. They struggle.)
BABY BUTCH
Wait! She was my first love.
FEMME
Well after the first comes the second and then the third!
BABY BUTCH
Well how many have you had, huh?
FEMME
Enough to know how to love!
BABY BUTCH
How many?
FEMME
What do you want, a list?
BABY BUTCH
How many?
FEMME
What the fuck are you insinuating?
BABY BUTCH
You always say that you’re mine…
FEMME
So?
BABY BUTCH
So how many have you said that to, huh?
FEMME
All you need to know is that I mean it when I say it!
BABY BUTCH
Whore!
(FEMME slaps BABY BUTCH)
BABY BUTCH
I’m sorry!
FEMME
You have no problem with me being your fucking whore, do you?
BABY BUTCH
I want you to be only mine.
FEMME
I’ve been yours, you sack of shit.
BABY BUTCH
Well how many have you belonged to, huh?
FEMME
Go fuck yourself. I’ve belonged to plenty of others, so what?
BABY BUTCH
So what’s the difference then? Between your past and my present?
FEMME
The difference is that my past is not an obstacle of my loving now!
BABY BUTCH
Well what am I supposed to do?
FEMME
Kill her! Find another fucking obsession!
BABY BUTCH
I can’t. She’s always with me.
FEMME
Alright then, it’s her or me.
BABY BUTCH
But she doesn’t even exist!
FEMME
Exactly.
BABY BUTCH
But you said you were mine.
FEMME
Yeah, I’ve said it plenty of times before, remember?
BABY BUTCH
But you meant it, right?
FEMME
So what? You think I’m going to be with someone who’s got this attachment?
BABY BUTCH
We all have somebody else, you said it yourself.
FEMME
You don’t see anything glued to me, do you?
BABY BUTCH
I’m just not ready…
FEMME
Fine. Then get the fuck out of my house.
BABY BUTCH
But…I…
FEMME
Get out, and take your phantom lover with you! See if she’ll fuck you tonight!
BABY BUTCH
It seems like we could give this a chance.
FEMME
You just lost your chance. Get out! Get out! Get out!
(FEMME pushes BABY BUTCH out of the house. Turns to the audience.)
FEMME
Took me for a fool! Damn her! There she was courting me, making all the right moves. And meanwhile, she’s fucking obsessed with someone who’s not even there! She thinks I’m gonna be kissing her lips while she’s got another woman’s name on her mind? Uh uh. I don’t want no ex lover shadowing me. Because when I love, I’m all there. We all have another love, we all have our personal soap operas. But me, I want my drama live.
(FEMME is sitting on the couch, wearing a tattered wedding veil, holding a few wilted flowers in her hand. She looks downtrodden; her make up is smeared and it’s clear that she’s been crying and is distressed. At the beginning of the scene MARGARITA is romancing another woman just outside of FEMME’s space. She leaves with the other woman soon after FEMME begins to speak.)
FEMME (To Margarita)
You never told me you loved me. You ate my lipstick like it was for you. Used a certain tone in your voice like it was for me. You brought me flowers, opened doors for me. Perused my perfumed places, pressed my face into you during slow songs. Called me up night and day. Seduced me, pleased me. Loved me? Did you love me? How the fuck would I know? You never told me you loved me.
I awoke alone in my bed this morning. Couldn’t remember my dreams like I usually do so I stayed there with my eyes closed. Made little whimpering sounds, like a newborn discovering the music of the mouth. Hhhhrrrrr, aihhhhh, jooohhh, hmmrrrrjjjj. And with each sound I thought, is there love now for me? Will there be love today? Tomorrow? Was I loved yesterday? Do I love? Am I loved?
Look at me! This is what happens when you think love means forever. Oh, to be loved! To be special, to be the object of another’s hunger. To have fingers walk across your landscape, to have words tumble from a longing tongue, to be the one. To be loved. Isn’t that what we all want? To be forever loved. Fairy-tale loved. Hollywood-movie loved and beyond-divorce-court loved. Fucking forever loved. For ever!
Hello? How many dinners did I cook for you? How many times did I greet you sweetly and seductively after you came home from a long day at work? How many relaxing baths did I prepare for you? How many friends did I give up for you? How about all those chocolate eclairs I dashed across town for just cuz I wanted you to have the best fucking chocolate? And all of that getting wet, night after night, that was a lot of liquid production, wasn’t it? And all those screaming orgasms in your ear? And all that relinquinshing control of my sex and my everything that became yours?
And what about all your dramatic comings, your grindings, your desperate sounds? How many times did I dig my nails into your back, slice them all the way down, just when you were peaking in pleasure? And how many times did you fall into me, squishing and smothering me, sometimes even falling asleep on me? And how many glasses of vermouth did we pour down our throats? What about all the romantic music, all that marijuana, the incense, the candles? All the days of work that we blew off just so we could stay in and fuck? All the whispered vulgarities? All the drama? All those little pieces of vulnerability that you didn’t wanna let out but you couldn’t help? And your unspoken pain in the palm of my hand? What about that? Hello? I wanna know, did you fucking love me? Did you fucking love me? Did-you-did-you-did-you-did you?
You never. You never told me. You never told me you loved me. You never told me you loved me. You never told me you loved me. You never told me you loved me. You never. Told me.
(MIRANDA dials a number from a payphone on the street. FEMME is sacked out on her couch, the wedding veil thrown on the floor, when the phone rings. She answers sleepily, hangs up without knowing who called. Lights on MIRANDA.)
MIRANDA
(On the phone) Let me tell you something. You fucking made your choice with that nasty nasty piece of shit Margarita. You wanna be friends with her? You wanna be her lover? Well you can’t fucking be friends with me. How dare you say you’re not allowed to hang with me, that you have to sneak about. Well you can fucking go to hell. And if you ever, ever, ever touch me again I’ll fucking have your fat nasty selfish bitch ass thrown in jail. Don’t you ever touch me again, because if it wasn’t over before, it’s over now; it ended the minute you put your hands on me, you pig. (Slams phone down.)
(To audience) You think I’m a bitch, don’t you? Well, what if I told you that she was the first woman I ever loved? That was seventeen years ago. Young love, hippie girl love, jazz love, accidental-fucking-when-you’re-drunk love, you-think- it’s-gonna-last-forever love, lay-down-on-a-gravel-parking-lot-and-make-out love, marihuana love, dancing-nude-in-the-rain-in-your-mom’s-back-yard love, reveal-your-deepest-fears-love, Mickey-Mouse-acid-on-your-tongue love, sweet sweet woman love. Tribal sister love. Eternal love.
Don’t you ever fucking leave me! Those were her words. To me. Meaning love anyone but don’t ever stop being mine. And I didn’t, and neither did she. Until that Margarita scumbag appeared. Couldn’t get high with me no more, go shopping in thrift stores, hang out with me and The Bird and a bottle of wine, be a girly girl with me. Margarita, she has her punching the time card. Telling her how to walk and talk and dress, who to call a friend. I tried to be cool, respect their relationship, but damn, I always did wonder what she saw in that tyrant. “Oh Miranda, she fucks me so good.” That’s about all she says that makes sense. But how much is a good fuck worth? How much?
Every day I put up with less and less shit. Used to be I’d just get high and mellow and let the crud dissolve into the earth, take root somewhere else. But then it stuck to the bottom of my feet and I couldn’t walk any more. What would you do if your father died of cancer when you were a teenager? If your momma hated you, if your big brother beat his fists into your face? What if your sister’s boyfriend raped you at eleven and no one believed or protected you and he kept on doing it? If you got pregant at thirteen, threw yourself out of a moving car on the highway so as to kill the fetus? If your mom kicked you out of home and put you in a mental institution where you got diagnosed as someone with a manic/depressive bipolar disorder? What if you ran away from the psych ward wearing nothing but your hospital gown with IV’s dangling off your wrists? And then, next thing you know, you’re pissing in a shoe at the mall, foaming at the mouth, screaming, Who the fuck is going to love me? Who the fuck is going to love me?
And that’s when you meet her, and she sees all the pain and the promise of song in you, and she kisses your eyelids and she mother fucking loves you and she is nothing less than an angel, nothing less than your first love, your true sister, your tribal sister. I loved her! I loved her, I did.
And then what if she fucked you over? If she let an evil, arrogant dyke be her sole owner? If she forgot about you and then one day she came over to get back some of her books, and when you wouldn’t let her in she pushed the door into you jaw? What would you do then?
(On the phone) Let me tell you something. You fucking made your choice with that nasty nasty piece of shit Margarita. You wanna be friends with her? You wanna be her lover? Well you can’t fucking be friends with me. How dare you say you’re not allowed to hang with me, that you have to sneak about. Well you can fucking go to hell. And if you ever, ever, ever touch me again I’ll fucking have your fat nasty selfish bitch ass thrown in jail. Don’t you ever touch me again, because if it wasn’t over before, it’s over now; it ended the minute you put your hands on me, you pig. (Slams phone down.)
(FEMME is still sacked out on the couch; she yawns and stretches, sits up facing the audience, legs spread open, hands on her thighs.)
FEMME
Who am I? Why am I here?
(She looks down at the floor, then between her legs, slides her hands to her crotch, moans. Stands up, invigorated. She delivers the “Puta Rap” with great enthusiasm, to the point of sounding like a cheerleader.)
I am the cunt
who can never get enuf
I hang from doors
roll on the floor
open up till I can’t no more
open up till I can’t no more
I am the princess
strutting down the mall
filling up with gas
on my knees at mass
just another girl on jazz
just another girl on jazz
I am puta
fuck-me-fuck-me-fuck-me
the-hottest-the-wettest
the longest-lasting pussy
the friendliest, the fastest
the screamer, the savage, the best
I am puta
fuck-me-fuck-me-fuck-me
drug-me-drug-me-drug-me
with puta puta power
with puta puta power
Powerful with the tits
Prisoner of the clit
Dangerous with the tongue
Loving with the one
A desirous drugged up babe
We all want to get laid!
With ¡Puta, puta power!
With ¡Puta, puta power!
Scene 10
(MIRANDA, FEMME, MARGARITA and BABY BUTCH are gathered in FEMME’s living room. Each sits or stands alone. Initially, all dialogue is directed at the audience and they do not acknowledge each other’s presence.)
MIRANDA
All I ever wanted was to be loved.
FEMME
All I ever wanted was to be fucked.
BABY BUTCH
All I ever wanted was to know pleasure.
MARGARITA
All I ever wanted was to have my woman.
FEMME
(To MIRANDA) I loved you.
(To BABY BUTCH) I showed you pleasure.
(To MARGARITA) I was yours.
(To audience) Now what?
MIRANDA
(To FEMME) You were my first.
BABY BUTCH
(To FEMME) You were my second.
MARGARITA
(To FEMME) I lost count, but you were wonderful.
MIRANDA
(To MARGARITA) You took her away from me.
BABY BUTCH
(To MARGARITA) You took her away from me.
FEMME
(To MARGARITA) You took me.
MARGARITA
(To audience) She was with me of her own free will.
MIRANDA
(To audience) She wanted it.
BABY BUTCH
(To audience) Yeah, she wanted it.
FEMME
(To audience) I wanted it.
BABY BUTCH
(To audience) Now what?
FEMME
(To audience) This is about pleasure.
MARGARITA
(To audience) This is about pleasure.
MIRANDA
(To audience) This is about pleasure.
BABY BUTCH
(To audience) Yeah, this is about pleasure.
MIRANDA
(To audience) Now what?
BABY BUTCH
(To MIRANDA) I like your body.
FEMME
(To BABY BUTCH) Oh, so you like her body?
MARGARITA
(To FEMME) Are you still delicious?
BABY BUTCH
(To MARGARITA) She’s not yours.
MARGARITA
(To audience) She knows where she belongs.
FEMME
(To audience) I just want to get fucked.
BABY BUTCH
(To audience) I just want to fuck.
MIRANDA
(To audience) I could use a good fuck.
MARGARITA
(To audience) There’s nothing like a good fuck.
ALL TOGETHER
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all women are putas, that they are endowed by their Creatrix with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Lust, Liberty, and the pursuit of Puta Power.”
27 de junio de 1998, el paso, tejas
Originally produced:
de la tierra, tatiana. “Butch-Femme.” Staged reading. Summerworks, The University of Texas at El Paso. El Paso. 11 June 1998. Also produced as: “This is about Pleasure.” Staged reading. Tetatúd, Latina lesbian sex positive retreat. Calistoga, California. 30 April 1999; and “This is About Pleasure.” Production. Mountain Moving Coffeehouse for Women and Children, Ebenezer Lutheran Church, Chicago. 5 February 2000. Individual scenes were also produced in various venues.
Published as:
de la tierra, tatiana. “This is About Pleasure”. Latino Literature database, Alexander Street Press, 2005.